I don't use my blog as a source of ranting and raving, but I feel as though this time it is best to do so. To sum up all of my mishaps, I am confused beyond all recognition, but really who isn't at this point in their life?
The world has so many misfortunes lately, some greater than others, but none the less, effecting how people act and communicate towards one another. I'm not here to psychoanalyze my life or say that my opinion is greater than someone else's, I just came here to type down my thoughts.
There is this knot in my stomach, it's never ending it seems. I feel as though I have no one sometimes, besides God. Yeah, I said it no one. I understand the concept of being alone and I'm fine with it, but I need solidarity and people to rely on. I feel as though I give way more than I receive. I'll go out of my way to do something for someone, but if I ask for a simple favor, it's asking too much. This may seem petty and so miniscule, but I think it's been branded upon me since the day I was conceived or something. Either that or it's just the age group I am currently surrounding myself with.
Relationships, holy shit. I think some people were meant for them, but I obviously wasn't at this point in my life. They take EQUAL amounts of time and aren't a walk in the park. I give credit to where credit is due, but let's face it; when something shitty happens we have to realize that there are always TWO sides of people. I think of it as Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde effect. You see a person's true colors come out when you tell them something they don't want to hear. They start to twist things around and make you seem like you're the bad guy, but in all reality, shit happens. People fall too fast or you thought you really knew the person. It's like a mind game messing with your emotions to the extreme. One person can't be more busy than the other, one person cannot be more "in love/like" with the other, it's all about BALANCE. Since I'm a Libra (even though this is irrelevant) I'm throwing this out there, the libra scales balance out, when I'm thrown off balance, my mood and train of thought is messed up. I've always wanted to make peace or still remain "cool" with the guys I have dated, but then I quickly learned that sometimes they either want it all or nothing at all. I'm not use to that, but then people started telling me that in life that's going to happen. It sucks, but what can you do? Sacrifice your happiness for someone else? The world waits for no one. I think that is why I am use to having guys as friends, rather than boyfriends. I currently feel like if I live and do my own thing, this will help me in the long run.
School, okay I'm not trying to sound like a hardcore nerd or anything, but school is gonna help you in life, period end of story. Doesn't mean you have to become a neurosurgeon or physicist, but it stimulates your brain. I have a love/hate relationship with it, I'm pretty sure half the people I know do too. I feel like that helps me to find what I want to do in life, if things do not work out with journalism or dance. I've considered going into psychology or sociology if things start to change.
Dance, I shouldn't have to repeat myself, but I'm in love with the idea and thought of dance. It is one of the ways to help me cope with anxiety, stress, heart break, happiness, etc. Not dancing for 8 months made me grow to love and appreciate it even more.
Work, Zumiez was my first real job, besides teaching little kids how to dance. From the beginning till now it has changed so much, but I have ended up with so many new friends, skills and memories. It's gonna be hard to leave one day.
Relationship with God, I'm trying to work on getting back into church. I'm not the perfect person, but I do try to live by morals and seek guidance when I feel lost. It'll take time, but I'm willing to work on it.
Family, pray for my mom because she has a tough week coming up for her and her health has not been in tip top shape. I will discuss this later when things get better. A few of my close friends know about what is going on, and I will keep it at that.
I'll probably update this later, but for now I am going to bed. Enjoi.
-Amy G.
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